So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
