Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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