your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
