so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
