Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
