I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
