Got a toothbrush?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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