Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
