The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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