My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
