We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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