Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
