You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
