All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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