I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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