if i can run in heels then i can drive
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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