i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
