Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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