There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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