she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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