Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
