Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
