Just cropdusted the office
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."