I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?