I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dating After Heartbreak
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.