brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
