So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
