maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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