I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
