i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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