I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
