I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
