ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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