I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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