my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
