we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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