At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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