I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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