Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
