i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
