Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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