The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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