They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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