So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
