Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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