Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
