even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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