Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
