Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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