she woke up with a sticky ear
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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