Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
