thus making me awesome and them whores
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
