He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
