I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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