I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
