Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
