you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
