the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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