"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
