Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
