I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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