Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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