so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
