nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
