this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
