please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
